Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
