youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
