She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
