Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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