He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
