Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
