Can i not drive my cunt home
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
