at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
