some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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