Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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