this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just had sex on a roof
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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