Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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