OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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