Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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