saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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