I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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