Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
