I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
