she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I didn't notice because vodka
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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