I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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