I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
