Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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