just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
A bitchslap is in order.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
