I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
