I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
