I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
