I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
