You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
should my penis look like a turkey
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
