just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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