So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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