dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
