I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
