thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
