Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
