Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize