ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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