the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
