Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
