Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
