She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I believe in your delicious
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
