We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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