I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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