I wish I could teleport
I'm really into asian looking animals
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
