You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize