Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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