shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
