God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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