Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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