imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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