he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
