I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize