im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
