i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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