ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
