so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
