I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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