the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
