Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
