I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
