That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
