I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Randomize
