is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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