What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
