I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
