careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
