I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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