so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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