Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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