you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
