Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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