Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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