Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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