ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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