I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
