He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
