its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
