I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
