Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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