I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
