Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
