I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
