I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize