but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
