And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
