last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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