Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Randomize
