no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
