i need an iv and a liver transplant
Duck Duck Cougar?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
