Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How external is "for external use only"?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
