There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We need to rekindle our bromance
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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