It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
