are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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