How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We have started to decorate penises.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
