College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
