True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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