It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
