Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
