Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
