I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
