I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
