3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
