Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
