then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
