There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
