i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
