If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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